We have had a great couple weeks! It is astonishing how many people (some who we don't even know) are excited for us, encouraging us, and praying for us. We feel so loved! One of our goals is to spread adoption awareness and acceptance. Maybe through our story others will be impacted...whether it is to adopt themselves, make an adoption plan for their child, let go of stereotypes, or something else all together.
We had some FABULOUS news on Monday. We heard back from a grant we had applied for a few months ago, The Gift of Adoption Fund (check it out at www.giftofadoption.org.) They are going to grant us $1500 to go towards adoption expenses! That is a huge praise! Only $8500 to go. :)
We have the diaper bag all packed, an adorable going home from the hospital outfit. (It is all boy, so if Cadan arrives as a Cambria we will have to make an emergency dash to the store! lol) I think we have all of the last minute items we needed.
I have been e-mailing back and forth with the birth mother's mom. She said there was nothing new to report after the last doctors appointment. Everyone is asking if we have heard if she has progressed or anything, but it really doesn't matter if she has or not. Birth is unpredictable. Someone can one day show no progress at a doctor's appointment and go into labor the next day...or on the other hand they can be 4cm and hang out that way for 3 weeks. So "knowing" won't change anything anyway. We are just ready for whenever the call comes that she is in labor. Today she is 38 weeks and 4 days. So anytime! Her last baby was right on time. (not that that necessarily means anything)
It is interesting to think about the feelings and emotions that have been flooding me. Our social worker told us, and it is true, you really come to love the birth mother and want only what is best for her (Yes, regardless of whatever choice she makes ultimately.) We want to bless her and show her our love and appreciation ...but sometimes I think I don't want her to think we do or say things just because we "want her baby." Which of course isn't how it is, but I don't want any misperceptions. I was talking to our social worker last week and told her how pretty the birth mother looked when we went to dinner. About half way through dinner I wanted to say that, then I started thinking, what if she thinks it is just empty flattery and I am not being genuine? Sangeeta (Our social worker) said to just be ourselves and say something if we think it, that if we are sincere it will come across sincere. I think I over-think things! haha There is also this feeling of protectiveness we feel towards the birth mother. We don't want anyone to stereo type her or judge her. It isn't our place to tell others her story (or any one's business), we don't know all of the whys and how's anyway. She is a sweet and beautiful woman who is making her own best choices for herself and her family out of love for her children. Isn't that enough? There are so many other emotions and such...like I am DONE working! haha I have everything prepared to go out on maternity leave and I feel done. My head is not in my work anymore...it is in mommy mode. (I am going to work up until we get "The Call") I have twinges of jealousy over the fact that bio mommies get time off before baby comes and more after. I want to buy everything in sight but know I must not. lol We are excited, a tad anxious at times, and more excited.
So that is where we are right now...ready and waiting. We cannot wait to meet him!
Thank you again, each and every one of you, for all of your support and encouragement!
Friday, April 22, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Second Match Meeting
On Friday we had our second match meeting with our soon to be baby's birth mother and her family. We decided to stay overnight since we were all the way in Bakersfield and the meeting wasn't until 5pm.
We drove down with no issues and checked into a Holiday Inn Express (Thanks for using your points for the room Dad!). We chose this hotel because it is close to the hospital where the birth mother will be delivering. We wanted to explore the lay of the land a little since we won't know until that day if we will need to get a hotel or if we will be able to stay in the hospital with the baby.
We met with the birth mother, her parents, sister, and social worker at a restaurant. We also had the privilege of meeting her 15 month old son. He is SOOO cute! Jake just kept looking at him saying "Wow!" To think that our child will probably look very similar to him at that age! It was nice being in a very relaxed atmosphere to get to know each other better. The birth mother said she has been doing great throughout her pregnancy and her doctor said the baby looks very healthy. We mostly just chatted, but we did have some business to attend to.
We talked about the hospital plan. The birth mother said she would like me in the labor and delivery room if we get there in time. (Her first baby came in a couple of hours!) She said she would like to be the first one to hold the baby, then she would like me to. She said she would like Jake to come in as soon as she is covered up so he can have a chance to hold the baby right away. She said she would like Jake and I to provide most of the care for baby in the hospital. The social worker said they will try to arrange everything with the hospital ahead of time so we can have a room (But there are no guarantees...every hospital is different) The birth mother will be able to still see baby as much as she wants to in the hospital. We had to sign documents allowing the social worker to release our identifying information to the hospital. We also have to send her pictures so they can be given to the hospital so they know who we are. The birth mother's mom or sister in law will call us when she goes into labor.
We also talked about the Open Adoption Plan. Everything is pretty standard. We are to provide pictures and letter updates every three months for the first 2 years, then twice a year after that until the child is 18. Four visits will be planned in the first year with one per year after that. Of course this can be flexible if circumstances need it to be.
The whole birth family is extremely sweet and open. We feel like communication will be a strength in this relationship. Most of our contact at this time is set to go through the birth mother's parents. Usually the adoptive family communicates directly with the birth mother, but in this case the birth mother feels like she might need some time before she is ready for contact. We assured her that we want to be sensitive to her feelings and realize they can change at any time. We gave her our cell phone numbers and told her to feel free to text or call any time. That we will wait for her to initiate contact. Until then we will send all photos and updates to her mom who can make them available to her as she is ready. (What a bitter-sweet process this is...) We told the family that we are open to the visits including the birth mother's parents, sisters, and son. We found out she is making a scrapbook with pictures of herself growing up as well as pictures of their whole family. She is also working on a letter that she can send home with the baby. We are so happy we will be able to have this to share with our child!
After a show put on by the birth mother's son, showing us how quick he is and how high he can jump!, we parted and marveled at the fact that next time we are together we will be at the hospital!
The next morning Jake and I went to the hospital where the birth mother plans to deliver. We found out where to go if she were in Labor and Delivery or in Postpartum. We also found the nearest Starbucks (Ha!).
On our way home we stopped at the Tulare Outlet Mall and hit a couple of fun stores... Gymboree, Osh kosh, Carters... :) We picked up a couple of cute boy outfits and a diaper bag. Time to have it ready to go! We met our friend Ashlee at the outlets and for lunch. It was a fun break on our drive home.
Tomorrow the birth mother will be 37 weeks along! We are making our lists of things that need to be done ASAP to be ready for baby. All of the major bases are covered...there are just little things here and there we want to have done.
I think that is pretty much it, more updates to come! :)
We drove down with no issues and checked into a Holiday Inn Express (Thanks for using your points for the room Dad!). We chose this hotel because it is close to the hospital where the birth mother will be delivering. We wanted to explore the lay of the land a little since we won't know until that day if we will need to get a hotel or if we will be able to stay in the hospital with the baby.
We met with the birth mother, her parents, sister, and social worker at a restaurant. We also had the privilege of meeting her 15 month old son. He is SOOO cute! Jake just kept looking at him saying "Wow!" To think that our child will probably look very similar to him at that age! It was nice being in a very relaxed atmosphere to get to know each other better. The birth mother said she has been doing great throughout her pregnancy and her doctor said the baby looks very healthy. We mostly just chatted, but we did have some business to attend to.
We talked about the hospital plan. The birth mother said she would like me in the labor and delivery room if we get there in time. (Her first baby came in a couple of hours!) She said she would like to be the first one to hold the baby, then she would like me to. She said she would like Jake to come in as soon as she is covered up so he can have a chance to hold the baby right away. She said she would like Jake and I to provide most of the care for baby in the hospital. The social worker said they will try to arrange everything with the hospital ahead of time so we can have a room (But there are no guarantees...every hospital is different) The birth mother will be able to still see baby as much as she wants to in the hospital. We had to sign documents allowing the social worker to release our identifying information to the hospital. We also have to send her pictures so they can be given to the hospital so they know who we are. The birth mother's mom or sister in law will call us when she goes into labor.
We also talked about the Open Adoption Plan. Everything is pretty standard. We are to provide pictures and letter updates every three months for the first 2 years, then twice a year after that until the child is 18. Four visits will be planned in the first year with one per year after that. Of course this can be flexible if circumstances need it to be.
The whole birth family is extremely sweet and open. We feel like communication will be a strength in this relationship. Most of our contact at this time is set to go through the birth mother's parents. Usually the adoptive family communicates directly with the birth mother, but in this case the birth mother feels like she might need some time before she is ready for contact. We assured her that we want to be sensitive to her feelings and realize they can change at any time. We gave her our cell phone numbers and told her to feel free to text or call any time. That we will wait for her to initiate contact. Until then we will send all photos and updates to her mom who can make them available to her as she is ready. (What a bitter-sweet process this is...) We told the family that we are open to the visits including the birth mother's parents, sisters, and son. We found out she is making a scrapbook with pictures of herself growing up as well as pictures of their whole family. She is also working on a letter that she can send home with the baby. We are so happy we will be able to have this to share with our child!
After a show put on by the birth mother's son, showing us how quick he is and how high he can jump!, we parted and marveled at the fact that next time we are together we will be at the hospital!
The next morning Jake and I went to the hospital where the birth mother plans to deliver. We found out where to go if she were in Labor and Delivery or in Postpartum. We also found the nearest Starbucks (Ha!).
On our way home we stopped at the Tulare Outlet Mall and hit a couple of fun stores... Gymboree, Osh kosh, Carters... :) We picked up a couple of cute boy outfits and a diaper bag. Time to have it ready to go! We met our friend Ashlee at the outlets and for lunch. It was a fun break on our drive home.
Tomorrow the birth mother will be 37 weeks along! We are making our lists of things that need to be done ASAP to be ready for baby. All of the major bases are covered...there are just little things here and there we want to have done.
I think that is pretty much it, more updates to come! :)
Monday, April 4, 2011
Joy!
Oh the joy of anticipation! We are so excited about our second match meeting with the birth mother on Friday. We plan to find a hotel close to the hospital she will be delivering at and stay overnight then check out the hospital and such on Saturday. (Yes, I have that type A must have a list and be prepared personality! haha)
We feel so blessed by the outpouring of encouragement from friends and family. Thank you all so very much! It is awesome to have so many along for the ride!
We can't wait to meet Baby Cadan (Or Cambria if the ultra sound is wrong ;-) )
<3
We feel so blessed by the outpouring of encouragement from friends and family. Thank you all so very much! It is awesome to have so many along for the ride!
We can't wait to meet Baby Cadan (Or Cambria if the ultra sound is wrong ;-) )
<3
Friday, April 1, 2011
The Match Meeting
Just an overview of how Bethany Christian Services works... They have birth families look over profiles and choose one family to interview. So it isn't like they interview everyone then pick. By the time they interview an adoptive family they have already "picked" them and the match meeting is more of a confirmation of that choice.
As you can imagine the last week and a half was a time of total anticipation. It has been so awesome to be able to pray for our potential child's birth mother by name. We have been enjoying the time of excitement, but have been guarding our hearts as well because nothing is for certain.
Yesterday we woke up perfectly refreshed. We thought we might not be able to sleep, but we did! I made some cookies to take with us while I drank my morning coffee. The morning was so beautiful! On our way out the door Jake was talking to our friend Chad. (Chad and his wife Rica have adopted 2 kids through Bethany and have been a huge support to us. They recently moved to Ohio, but were back in town for a visit this week) He told us they were just having breakfast and to stop by. It was so good to see them and be encouraged by them and to pray with them. God is cool how he works even the little things out! We picked up some pictures we wanted to share, got gas and a carwash, then were on our way to Bakersfield!
We arrived 1 1/2 hours early to the meeting place. So we had some time to kill. We spent that time talking, praying and playing on the iPhones. (What did we do before iPhones? haha) We saw one car pull up and decided it looked like the social workers (Our social worker wasn't there, just the birth mother counselor, this was her first match meeting, so her boss was there too.). Then we saw another car pull up and Jake was like, It is them! I see our profile in the girl's hand! Then we both got really nervous and decided not to look. We didn't want to go in until 3:30 in case the birth family and their social worker needed time to talk before we came. We prayed one last time then went in.
When we walked in we were greeted by the social worker and she took us into the meeting room. It was packed! lol I don't think match meetings usually involve so many people, but it was great because everyone was there to support the birth mom. We met the birth mother, her parents, her sister, and her sister in law in addition to the social workers. Everyone was very sweet and supportive of the birth mother and her adoption plan. We found out that the birth mother had been adopted herself along with her sister. Her parents had over 85 foster children over the years and put us at ease telling us they knew how we felt because they had been in our shoes before. The social worker facilitated the meeting which helped get the ball rolling. She had us talk about our marriage and how we met. We talked about our jobs, family, and all of those basics. We learned more about the birth mother and her wishes for her child. She said she just wants us to give her child a good life. That is what is most important to her. We talked about our plans to homeschool, our views on discipline, our faith. It was cool because her parents are both pastors so it was really easy to talk about our faith and what it means to us.
We asked why she chose us, what stood out in our profile. She said we were #3 of the profiles she looked at. Once she read ours she did not put it down while looking at all of the others. She said she knew it would be us, but wanted to read more just in case. She said one thing that drew her to us was that Jake looked like her brother. :) She said that she knew she wanted us to be the adoptive parents, but now that she met us she was she knew for sure.
I guess typically they want you to wait a day or so and talk about it, then let the social worker know (on both sides) if you want to proceed. The birth mother's dad was like, "I thought it was already a done deal!" lol The birth mother said she had already made her decision, so we set up our second match meeting. We will meet next Friday and talk about hospital plans, what kind of contact is desired, etc. Soooo, if all goes well little Cadan Lee McCormack (Its a Boy!) will be coming home in 3-6 weeks or so!
***A little disclaimer... People are the variable in adoption, and there is no way to predict what people might do. So nothing is final until it is final. We have decided to allow ourselves to be happy, excited, joyful, etc. If something doesnt work out we will know that it is all in God's plan. It will hurt though and we would have to grieve the loss. But we don't want to hold back our joy based on the "what if's."
On our way home we were quiet most of the time, just allowing it all to sink in. To think that we would probably be driving the same road within a matter of weeks with a baby in the back seat!
God has so blessed us through this process and we know He will continue to do so. We can't wait to have more updates!
<3
As you can imagine the last week and a half was a time of total anticipation. It has been so awesome to be able to pray for our potential child's birth mother by name. We have been enjoying the time of excitement, but have been guarding our hearts as well because nothing is for certain.
Yesterday we woke up perfectly refreshed. We thought we might not be able to sleep, but we did! I made some cookies to take with us while I drank my morning coffee. The morning was so beautiful! On our way out the door Jake was talking to our friend Chad. (Chad and his wife Rica have adopted 2 kids through Bethany and have been a huge support to us. They recently moved to Ohio, but were back in town for a visit this week) He told us they were just having breakfast and to stop by. It was so good to see them and be encouraged by them and to pray with them. God is cool how he works even the little things out! We picked up some pictures we wanted to share, got gas and a carwash, then were on our way to Bakersfield!
We arrived 1 1/2 hours early to the meeting place. So we had some time to kill. We spent that time talking, praying and playing on the iPhones. (What did we do before iPhones? haha) We saw one car pull up and decided it looked like the social workers (Our social worker wasn't there, just the birth mother counselor, this was her first match meeting, so her boss was there too.). Then we saw another car pull up and Jake was like, It is them! I see our profile in the girl's hand! Then we both got really nervous and decided not to look. We didn't want to go in until 3:30 in case the birth family and their social worker needed time to talk before we came. We prayed one last time then went in.
When we walked in we were greeted by the social worker and she took us into the meeting room. It was packed! lol I don't think match meetings usually involve so many people, but it was great because everyone was there to support the birth mom. We met the birth mother, her parents, her sister, and her sister in law in addition to the social workers. Everyone was very sweet and supportive of the birth mother and her adoption plan. We found out that the birth mother had been adopted herself along with her sister. Her parents had over 85 foster children over the years and put us at ease telling us they knew how we felt because they had been in our shoes before. The social worker facilitated the meeting which helped get the ball rolling. She had us talk about our marriage and how we met. We talked about our jobs, family, and all of those basics. We learned more about the birth mother and her wishes for her child. She said she just wants us to give her child a good life. That is what is most important to her. We talked about our plans to homeschool, our views on discipline, our faith. It was cool because her parents are both pastors so it was really easy to talk about our faith and what it means to us.
We asked why she chose us, what stood out in our profile. She said we were #3 of the profiles she looked at. Once she read ours she did not put it down while looking at all of the others. She said she knew it would be us, but wanted to read more just in case. She said one thing that drew her to us was that Jake looked like her brother. :) She said that she knew she wanted us to be the adoptive parents, but now that she met us she was she knew for sure.
I guess typically they want you to wait a day or so and talk about it, then let the social worker know (on both sides) if you want to proceed. The birth mother's dad was like, "I thought it was already a done deal!" lol The birth mother said she had already made her decision, so we set up our second match meeting. We will meet next Friday and talk about hospital plans, what kind of contact is desired, etc. Soooo, if all goes well little Cadan Lee McCormack (Its a Boy!) will be coming home in 3-6 weeks or so!
***A little disclaimer... People are the variable in adoption, and there is no way to predict what people might do. So nothing is final until it is final. We have decided to allow ourselves to be happy, excited, joyful, etc. If something doesnt work out we will know that it is all in God's plan. It will hurt though and we would have to grieve the loss. But we don't want to hold back our joy based on the "what if's."
On our way home we were quiet most of the time, just allowing it all to sink in. To think that we would probably be driving the same road within a matter of weeks with a baby in the back seat!
God has so blessed us through this process and we know He will continue to do so. We can't wait to have more updates!
<3
"Birth Mother Interested in You"
I have been dying to write about this, but we were keeping it on the DL until we knew more...
Last week on Tuesday (March 22nd) we received an e-mail from our social worker, the subject was "Birth Mother Interested in You!," (Yes, just days after I posted my rant! In fact, our profile had already been pulled by then!) I was at work when I saw the e-mail and just about fainted! I am glad it was an e-mail first. Sangeeta attached some basic information about the birth mother and what was known about the birth father. I was able to go over it and call Jake, (who was at work also) then call Sangeeta back. I closed the door to my office and said I had to make a phone call. I was shaking all over. When I called Jake he was so excited too! While we haven't been officially waiting very long, we have been since 2007 in a way since that is when we decided we were ready to start a family. Getting this call was like the first positive pregnancy test after taking so many! I was so useless at work that day. I went back and forth from feeling nauseous to being so excited. My emotions were all over the place. Someone said, well at least you don't have to deal with morning sickness...I told them it was all day sickness for a couple days! lol
Some of the things we found out about the birth mother...
She is due May 2nd!
She has a very supportive family. That is something we have been praying for specifically.
She is half Hispanic and half African American
She said she wanted an adoptive family who was married, active, and Christians. (Thats us!)
Our social worker didn't know the gender of the baby, so that was something to look forward to maybe finding out at our match meeting.
Not a lot is known about the birth father except that he is African American.
So we set up a match meeting for Thursday March 31st in Bakersfield and thought the day would never come! haha That will be the next post!
Last week on Tuesday (March 22nd) we received an e-mail from our social worker, the subject was "Birth Mother Interested in You!," (Yes, just days after I posted my rant! In fact, our profile had already been pulled by then!) I was at work when I saw the e-mail and just about fainted! I am glad it was an e-mail first. Sangeeta attached some basic information about the birth mother and what was known about the birth father. I was able to go over it and call Jake, (who was at work also) then call Sangeeta back. I closed the door to my office and said I had to make a phone call. I was shaking all over. When I called Jake he was so excited too! While we haven't been officially waiting very long, we have been since 2007 in a way since that is when we decided we were ready to start a family. Getting this call was like the first positive pregnancy test after taking so many! I was so useless at work that day. I went back and forth from feeling nauseous to being so excited. My emotions were all over the place. Someone said, well at least you don't have to deal with morning sickness...I told them it was all day sickness for a couple days! lol
Some of the things we found out about the birth mother...
She is due May 2nd!
She has a very supportive family. That is something we have been praying for specifically.
She is half Hispanic and half African American
She said she wanted an adoptive family who was married, active, and Christians. (Thats us!)
Our social worker didn't know the gender of the baby, so that was something to look forward to maybe finding out at our match meeting.
Not a lot is known about the birth father except that he is African American.
So we set up a match meeting for Thursday March 31st in Bakersfield and thought the day would never come! haha That will be the next post!
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