I just want to say, God is Good! (All the time!) As I was driving home from work I was contemplating just how we would pay for the adoption. I just kept telling myself, God is faithful and will provide a way. He led us here and isn't going to leave us now!
When I went to the mailbox there was a note from a friend, here is what is said:
Dear Jake and Savannah,
Please put this money toward your adoption process and give GOD the praise!
"And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:19.
And there was a check that will cover almost 10% of the adoption.
I do give all of the praise and glory to God, the One who placed beautiful people on earth to bless and encourage each other!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Family Photo Day!
Here are some of our family pictures! We plan to use them in our profile. Michelle did an awesome job! michelledixon.smugmug.com. :)
Now we are working on our "Dear Expectant Parent(s)" Letter. You can be praying for us! It is hard to know how to say who you are as individuals, as a family, as hopeful parents, etc. in 2 pages!
Friday, September 24, 2010
Supporting an Adoption
(An easy reference guide for family and friends)
This is what our Social Worker gave us...
Pre-Adoption:
DO accept the decision to adopt without question
DO accept the choice of child or match with birthparent
DO remain positive and enthusiastic during waiting periods
DO offer to give practical help if needed
DO respect the adoptive family's judgement on details they prefer to keep confidential
DON'T react as if adoption is "second best" or a "noble" choice (or push the possibility of future "miracle" pregnancies)
DON'T question the ability or readiness of the couple to parent an adopted child
DON'T question the credentials of the agency or criticize its procedures (including cost)
DON'T incessantly ask for news during the waiting time (Well, we know you want to know, that is why we have this blog! )
DON'T probe for details about the child's or birth parent's past
Post-Placement
DO be happy for the newly adopted child and family
DO respect that every member of the new family needs time to settle and become adjusted
DO understand the adoptive parents cannot be as sensitive or responsive to your needs as they usually are (As with all new parents!)
DO help the adoptive parents as needed with household chores, but allow the adoptive parents to do all of the baby care and feeding during the first several weeks. (Remember, we haven't had 9 months of in utero bonding!)
DO give your support during difficult times by expressing your confidence in the new parents
DON'T feel sorry for the newly adopted child
DON'T make the usual demands on the adoptive parents' time during the adjustment period
DON'T tell other family members or friends personal information about the child's history or birth family history (Super important for that info to be shared by us... with other people AND with our child.)
DON'T use negative adoption language (Maybe I will make a post about that one day. I never knew about correct adoption terminology before starting this journey!)
DON'T plan baby showers until after the birth mother's rights are terminated (No "surprises" please! Thanks!)
(Portions from Supporting and Adoption by Pat Holmes, purple comments from me!)
Top 10 questions/statements adoptive couples hate to hear:
"Do you have contact with your child's "real" mother?"
"She is such a beautiful child. How could her mother have given her up?"
Asking the above questions with the adopted child present!
"Well, I hope your kids turn out better than my sister's - her adopted children have been nothing but trouble!"
"DO you think it's fair to your (mixed race) child to bring him into this (Caucasian) community?"
"What do you know about the "natural" mother? Did she use drugs? Has the baby been tested?"
"Why do you want to adopt - You can just have one of mine!" (Laugh) or similar comments (Ok, really?!?)
"Adoption is fine for you, but I could never do that!"
"Is he adopted or is he "yours"?
"Now that you've adopted, I bet you'll have one of "your own"
"Why don't you use a sperm donor?"
"Don't you want to experience pregnancy and labor?"
(By the way, we have heard most of these and we totally know people don't mean to say things that are rude...you just don't know what is right or wrong to say unless you've been there...)
(From A Verse Each Day, by Jennifer Dishman as seen in Stepping Stones Newsletter)
This is what our Social Worker gave us...
Pre-Adoption:
DO accept the decision to adopt without question
DO accept the choice of child or match with birthparent
DO remain positive and enthusiastic during waiting periods
DO offer to give practical help if needed
DO respect the adoptive family's judgement on details they prefer to keep confidential
DON'T react as if adoption is "second best" or a "noble" choice (or push the possibility of future "miracle" pregnancies)
DON'T question the ability or readiness of the couple to parent an adopted child
DON'T question the credentials of the agency or criticize its procedures (including cost)
DON'T incessantly ask for news during the waiting time (Well, we know you want to know, that is why we have this blog! )
DON'T probe for details about the child's or birth parent's past
Post-Placement
DO be happy for the newly adopted child and family
DO respect that every member of the new family needs time to settle and become adjusted
DO understand the adoptive parents cannot be as sensitive or responsive to your needs as they usually are (As with all new parents!)
DO help the adoptive parents as needed with household chores, but allow the adoptive parents to do all of the baby care and feeding during the first several weeks. (Remember, we haven't had 9 months of in utero bonding!)
DO give your support during difficult times by expressing your confidence in the new parents
DON'T feel sorry for the newly adopted child
DON'T make the usual demands on the adoptive parents' time during the adjustment period
DON'T tell other family members or friends personal information about the child's history or birth family history (Super important for that info to be shared by us... with other people AND with our child.)
DON'T use negative adoption language (Maybe I will make a post about that one day. I never knew about correct adoption terminology before starting this journey!)
DON'T plan baby showers until after the birth mother's rights are terminated (No "surprises" please! Thanks!)
(Portions from Supporting and Adoption by Pat Holmes, purple comments from me!)
Top 10 questions/statements adoptive couples hate to hear:
"Do you have contact with your child's "real" mother?"
"She is such a beautiful child. How could her mother have given her up?"
Asking the above questions with the adopted child present!
"Well, I hope your kids turn out better than my sister's - her adopted children have been nothing but trouble!"
"DO you think it's fair to your (mixed race) child to bring him into this (Caucasian) community?"
"What do you know about the "natural" mother? Did she use drugs? Has the baby been tested?"
"Why do you want to adopt - You can just have one of mine!" (Laugh) or similar comments (Ok, really?!?)
"Adoption is fine for you, but I could never do that!"
"Is he adopted or is he "yours"?
"Now that you've adopted, I bet you'll have one of "your own"
"Why don't you use a sperm donor?"
"Don't you want to experience pregnancy and labor?"
(By the way, we have heard most of these and we totally know people don't mean to say things that are rude...you just don't know what is right or wrong to say unless you've been there...)
(From A Verse Each Day, by Jennifer Dishman as seen in Stepping Stones Newsletter)
Home Study
Everything went great with the home study! Sangeeta (Our Social Worker) just went down a checklist that we had already seen. We gave her our "Emergency Plan", she looked around our house for like 2 seconds, then we just chatted. We talked about our preference survey and she answered some questions. She said she was glad that we are completely open racially because especially in California they need more racially open adoptive families. We talked a little more about issues with substance abuse and such. She validated the fact that filling out this paperwork is just wierd and akward! We are going to view this online training called "Conspicuous Families" talking about race, culture, and adoption. Sangeeta also gave us a GREAT list of do's and don'ts for family and friends surrounding adoption. I will post that in another post. We just love spending time talking about our Journey! If you want to compare it, meeting with Sangeeta is like going to an OB appointment! lol
We talked a little about our profile as well, what a daunting process! It feels like you are trying to market yourself sometimes! But overall we just want to convey what is on our hearts and be real. Anyway, whatever we say will speak to the right birth mama's heart because God already has us matched!
Oh and our Wall Words came for our nursery! So now all we have left is to figure out the lighting situation! (And add a baby to the picture!)
Tomorrow is Family picture day! Yay! :)
We talked a little about our profile as well, what a daunting process! It feels like you are trying to market yourself sometimes! But overall we just want to convey what is on our hearts and be real. Anyway, whatever we say will speak to the right birth mama's heart because God already has us matched!
Oh and our Wall Words came for our nursery! So now all we have left is to figure out the lighting situation! (And add a baby to the picture!)
Tomorrow is Family picture day! Yay! :)
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Our Home Study is day after tomorrow! I am SO excited to finish the last step of this phase! When we meet with Sangeeta (Our Social Worker) we will also give her our preference survey. The preference survey is basically saying what you are comfortable with in an adopted child. It is sooooo hard to fill out! It covers everything from gender, to maternal substance use, to family mental illness and genetic disorders, to race, to unknown birth father or rape. It is so hard to check yes we are ok with this, but not with that... Because it isn't just words, this is the life of a child we are talking about, potentially our child! Iyiyi! We have almost filled it out, but have some questions for our social worker. This survey will help the social workers know what birth families to show our profile to. We are so thankful to be working with such an awesome Social Worker! She is super encouraging and sweet! We look forward to our meetings together and never are stressed by them because she has a way of completely putting you at ease! :)
I will let you know how our Home Study went on Friday!
I will let you know how our Home Study went on Friday!
Monday, September 20, 2010
My first Blog/Adoption update
I love reading other people's blogs, but have never had one myself. So now I do! I thought this might be the easiest way to keep everyone updated about the adoption since not everyone I know is on facebook!
A quick overview. Jake and I are in the process of a Domestic Infant Open Adoption through Bethany Christian Services.(http://www.bethany.org/) In other words, we will be adopting a baby most likely from California and we will most likely have quite a bit of contact with the birth family. The birth mother will choose us.
On that note...
The nursery is finished.
Interviews with our social worker are done.
Our house is officially "childproof" if there is such a thing!
Only one step left for the Family Assessment phase, our home visit with our social worker...which will take place on Friday 9/24!!! Then she will give us a letter stating we have an approved home study. At that point we are approved for foster care through the State. From the time we bring baby home until the adoption is finalized in court (About 6 months) the baby will technically be in foster care. This is kind of just a formality because we have to meet with our social worker 4 times during that 6 month period before they can officially approve the adoption.
Whats left?
Step 11: Prepare and submit your Adoptive Family Profile with fee to become a "waiting family."
Step 12: On going support from Bethany during the waiting period.
Step 13: Selection by birth mother: "The Call"! Profile put on hold.
Step 14: Match meeting, match made.
Step 15: Relationship building with birth parent(s).
Step 16: Prepare for baby's arrival.
Step 17: Birth of Baby (YAY!)
Step 18: Fos-Adopt placement (at risk placement until birth parent's rights are terminated) Placement fee due.
Step 19: Birth father rights terminated in court. (If applicable)
Step 20: Bethany receives state acknowledgement confirming birth parents rights terminated.
Step 21: CELEBRATION! Time for announcements, baby showers, etc.
Step 22: Post placement supervision period.
Step 23: Begin finalization process with court.
Step 24: Court hearing to finalize adoption.
Step 25: Submit copy of Final Decree of Adoption to Bethany.
Step 26: Receive amended birth certificate. (With Jake and my names as parents)
Step 27: End of formal relationship with Bethany.
Step 28: Continued support as a "Bethany Family Member".
Thats it! haha!
As soon as our home study is completed we will be applying for a couple of adoption grants and a no interest adoption loan. You can be praying for us in that! We know God has a perfect plan!
There is so much more, but I will stop for now! lol
A quick overview. Jake and I are in the process of a Domestic Infant Open Adoption through Bethany Christian Services.(http://www.bethany.org/) In other words, we will be adopting a baby most likely from California and we will most likely have quite a bit of contact with the birth family. The birth mother will choose us.
On that note...
The nursery is finished.
Interviews with our social worker are done.
Our house is officially "childproof" if there is such a thing!
Only one step left for the Family Assessment phase, our home visit with our social worker...which will take place on Friday 9/24!!! Then she will give us a letter stating we have an approved home study. At that point we are approved for foster care through the State. From the time we bring baby home until the adoption is finalized in court (About 6 months) the baby will technically be in foster care. This is kind of just a formality because we have to meet with our social worker 4 times during that 6 month period before they can officially approve the adoption.
Whats left?
Step 11: Prepare and submit your Adoptive Family Profile with fee to become a "waiting family."
Step 12: On going support from Bethany during the waiting period.
Step 13: Selection by birth mother: "The Call"! Profile put on hold.
Step 14: Match meeting, match made.
Step 15: Relationship building with birth parent(s).
Step 16: Prepare for baby's arrival.
Step 17: Birth of Baby (YAY!)
Step 18: Fos-Adopt placement (at risk placement until birth parent's rights are terminated) Placement fee due.
Step 19: Birth father rights terminated in court. (If applicable)
Step 20: Bethany receives state acknowledgement confirming birth parents rights terminated.
Step 21: CELEBRATION! Time for announcements, baby showers, etc.
Step 22: Post placement supervision period.
Step 23: Begin finalization process with court.
Step 24: Court hearing to finalize adoption.
Step 25: Submit copy of Final Decree of Adoption to Bethany.
Step 26: Receive amended birth certificate. (With Jake and my names as parents)
Step 27: End of formal relationship with Bethany.
Step 28: Continued support as a "Bethany Family Member".
Thats it! haha!
As soon as our home study is completed we will be applying for a couple of adoption grants and a no interest adoption loan. You can be praying for us in that! We know God has a perfect plan!
There is so much more, but I will stop for now! lol
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